The city is no place for a hairy man.

The city was no place for The Hairy Man. The drain pipe of his apartment complex would, eventually, prove too scarce a vessel to transport his regular daily output of shower detritus. As the layer of scum already around his pipes became strengthened by the binding power of his expelled fiber, another layer began to build on the first.

The man hath no notion of this, for his business remains, for the most part, above the sewers of the city. It is also the case that the Hairy Man is used to the customary country-sized drain with the country-size sewers, which he supposes are actually ditches, now that he thinks about it. And so, to him, no thought should be given to the final resting place of his chest hair or leg hair, for it has never been a problem before.

But, as the men of the city well know, the city sewers hath no notion of how a real man is built and may, in protest, reject the contents of its weak coagulated pipes from time to time. And though the Hairy Man is a man of craft, and his actions quickly and easily dispatched most of the regurgitated water and filth into a reservoir of his design, he could not help but feel helpless and dismayed at the implications.

The Hairy Man realized something. Suddenly, he gained perspective on why it was so often that a man without the blessed endowment and evolutionary advantage of a thick layer of hair, could viably be depicted in films and television as a man who has achieved success. The Hairy Man knew that this could not possibly be the case, for a man without hair on his chest is an embarrassment. Of course, he admitted to himself, you cannot always believe what you see on TV. But at that moment he realized that, in some places and some cases, like the city and the backing up of the “pipes”, a man without hair can hold an advantage.

In a sudden and unpleasant cascade of epiphanies, The Hairy Man recognized the truth in all such trends. How one of these males might capture a female without, at least, a decent amount of leg and arm hair mystified him until this point. It had amazed him, at times, when he would enter a Men’s bathroom and find it to be immaculate. Great service by the custodial staff, was all he figured. Now, he realized that he had been in a place that was rarely cared for because it required little care, as the men that were using it knew a thing or two about their drains at home, and thought nothing of shaving themselves completely naked all around to combat the problem of the drains pro-actively. They left no trace in their bathrooms at home, and so they left no trace in the bathrooms of their offices and restaurants, or hardly anywhere at all. No, no record that they’d been there, save for a scent and a paper towel left on the floor.

And while many terrible things came to The Hairy Man at that moment, more things thereafter became easier for him. A failure at the hands of a Hairless man was easier for him to accept, for he saw it as a short term victory for the Hairless man and a long term victory for he, The Hairy Man, who will not have succumbed to the frailty of the pipes. For though he knows the pipes will again someday surge forth with the filth of those around him, and that he will face hardships thereafter of the same nature, he does not seek the route of just not having to deal with it.

The Hairy Man admitted to himself that the Hairless man may bear an evolutionary advantage in the city. And as the thought entered his head, at the same time he knew he was not long for that place. The Hairy Man felt then that it was no longer what was directly in front of him, but further on down the road that mattered, and he made his plans to escape. And though he would be gone, he knew at least he would have left a sign of his being here.


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