Hello East Coast, it’s been a while. I do apologize for being so out of touch. It’s just the nature of things these days. It’s hard to stay current when you’re three hours behind. Twitter helps, sure. And Facebook too. When I wake up, I can simply scroll through all the tweets I’ve missed and browse my newsfeed for interesting shit. But still, I will have missed the whole point of using these forums, which is to stay ON TOP OF EVERYTHING ALL THE TIME!!!!

Forgive my frustration, but when I wake up in the morning and have something awesome to say on Twitter, I immediately ponder the possibility (probability) that someone has said something similar already that day. When I’m drinking on the weekends and I want to let a tweet or two fly, I’m met with the realization that those for who it was meant are likely asleep. Alas.

But it isn’t all about me and my tweets. It’s about your tweets too, East Coast. Dear Mike Hall, your tweets crack me up, but I stopped getting them sent to my phone after this ordeal:

@the_original_MH: “Darryls alive…the show has been saved. Without Shane and Darryl Walking Dead would suck”

I agree! Except I would have agreed after I saw the show and learned that Darryl was alive. Instead I had to go into the show with expectations, and I’m bad with that. Mike Hall, don’t ever stop tweeting. I’m not mad at you; I’m mad at the West Coast. And further, once I’ve begun tweeting about whatever event I just received spoilers about, my East Coast followers have already seen what they needed to see, hours and hours before.

What is one to do when trying to slip a tweet into the right stream from afar? My disconnection, I’ve found, manifests itself in many ways. For example: weather. East Coast weather is tweetable…and I miss it! How’m I supposed to tweet about the weather if I’m not there? It’s not like I’m gonna tweet about L.A. weather. What would that look like? “It’s sunny!……” This becomes boring and gloatsome after a while.

And because of these disconnections, Twitter has managed to shroud itself in a cloak of paranoia and shame. I mean, what are we in this for? We’re in it for the retweets right? And the followers, no? Suuuure there’s folks out there who do it for the wealth of information that can be attained through the Twitterverse. But where all my social paranoiacs at? At some point we’ve all asked ourselves, or perhaps our followers, “How do you not retweet that!?” I probably do this more often than others, as my vanity is crippling.

The way things are going, just as a general trend, it looks like, in the distant future, people may only interact over the web. Imagine having children who make friends off the internet, rather than in school. Sounds crazy, but did our parents think we’d be like we are now? No way man. So, if I’m learning to be a good tweeter, or a good Facebooker for that matter, I’m really just trying to move up, as far as evolution is concerned. I’m social networking for my kids, you guys.

When I get like this, asking all these questions, the ultimate one usually brings me to a halt. Why does it matter? What’s the use of all this wondering about Twitter and its meanings and implications? Bloody Hell! So here I am, floundering about like I was when I started this article. I don’t know if any of my East Coast friends with Twitter accounts suffer from similar thoughts. I don’t know if anyone, anywhere does. And lo, as I searched for data to substantiate my lamentations, I found that I was truly alone on this coast in my Twitter disposition.  But maybe my West Coast Twitter Blues are falling on sympathetic ears. Maybe my Twitter Soul Mate is out there somewhere…somewhere…


3 responses to “#westcoasttwitterblues

  1. Never stop tweeting, the followers will come. If I have learned anything from my study thus far, your personal style of tweeting reflects where you are and the culture you are in. You may think you are behind in terms of time but that is a reflection of the culture you are immersed in. You may think its pointless to throw out a tweet but who knows may read it and be inspired potentially.

  2. Just post (or tweet) in the middle of the night like I do and then you can blast your friends with your wit and charm at a time when they are all still groggy with sleep!

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